Self- care as an act of resistance- why its sometimes necessary to turn away from the sorrows of the world
Lets be honest- the world is in a mess right now, isn't it? With all of the technological advances, knowledge, and lesson of the past to draw from- you’d think humans would have learnt from their mistakes by now, surely? But there is greater instability, violence, ecological catastrophe, misinformation and polarisation than ever.
It all feels… too much. Exhausting. Never ending. How difficult can it be for people to just be kind to each other?
And we try to take it all in, to be aware and not turn away too much, and still run our own lives- dealing with health issues, hormones, children, partners, jobs, trying to get enough exercise and sleep- its no wonder that burnout and fatigue syndromes are on the rise. Perhaps you also do more than stay informed- maybe you are an activist, an ally, or maybe you are in a marginalised group, and feel the pressure directly.
This blog is written with the full acknowledgement that I have a certain level of privilege which allows me to have this viewpoint, for which I’m eternally grateful. Growing up in a single parent family, in poverty, with a chronically ill mum on benefits, my privilege came to me later in life, and is hard earned- but it is still privilege . This is also written with the awareness that you will have differing levels of privilege and hardships, as we are all individuals with unique circumstances.
As far as I know none of you live in Gaza, or Yemen, or Ukraine. And even if the protections of a democratic society seem to be crumbling around us, and xenophobia and right wing propaganda are on the rise, (I’m a massive leftie, for those who hadn’t guessed- and I will always advocate for human rights and decency) we still live in countries that - for now at least- have some sort of due process under democratic law. So within that, we all have some privilege, to varying degrees.
Now this isn’t a blog about politics- but self care and therapy, in my view, are inherently political. Why? Because what the greedy few at the top want is for us to be easily controlled- and how do you control people? By limiting their access to resources, keeping them angry and sad and small, making them confused and dependant, and pitting them against each other.
What they don’t want is happy, optimistic, rested, resourced, independent, self- aware and communicative people. People who realise their power, influence and worth. People who have the capacity to hold it all- the heaviness and the joy, the sadness and the amazingness of it all. Seen this way, self care is an act of resistance.
When we continuously expose ourselves to the unrelenting tragedy of it all, we inadvertently make ourselves more sick- because humans never evolved to be able to absorb so much bad news all the time. We evolved in small cooperative hunter gatherer groups, with no such thing as capitalism or billionaires or Twitter.
The continuous drip feed of war, famine, exploitation, unfairness, greed, ecological disaster etc all registers as DANGER to our limbic and nervous systems- pushing blood pressure up, activating the HPA axis to generate stress hormones, suppressing our feel good hormones, making our breath shallow, keeping our minds racing, making it harder to rest and to sleep- all of which is synonymous with chronic pain, illness, anxiety, depression and stress.
Now, if you are at the front line- for example, your house has been flooded due to climate change/ your family live in or needed to escape an unsafe country/ you are being victimised for being LGBTQ/ BIPOC- (all situations my clients have had to experience) then some of this is unescapable. And I’m not for one second saying turn your back to the world and live in cloud cuckoo land, and pretend that none of it is happening.
We owe it to the world to compassionately witness the truth, and to try, however we can, to make the world a better place- but we also owe it to the world, and to OURSELVES, the capacity to do so, without overwhelm. It doesn’t help the victims of gun violence to cry ourselves to sleep at night. It doesn’t help save endangered species if our blood pressure is sky high. We can’t be good activists/ truth tellers/ change makers if we are exhausted, burnt out and stressed to the max. It just makes us more ill, and doesn’t add any net positive to the world at all.
So what is the middle path? How to navigate the world without turning a blind eye, whilst at the same time caring for ourselves? This path requires strong boundaries, proactive effort to practice self care, and the capacity to tolerate discomfort without it swamping us.
Its easy to be distraught, on edge, pessimistic and run down. Its harder to be buoyant, optimistic, and energetic. But the world doesn’t need more upset and hopeless people. The world needs YOU to be happy and positive, even in the face of great adversity- whether personal or collective.
How do we do that? I can only speak from my personal experience, but here are some things I actively do, to ensure that I have the bandwidth to be a responsible human without burning out-
I prioritise my self care. Louder for those at the back- self care is not selfish. In fact, its selfish to NOT care for yourself. If you don’t care for yourself, either you have unmet needs (which helps no one, least of all yourself) or someone else has to meet those needs for you. Putting yourself first gives you CAPACITY.
Greater capacity- more energy- more attention- better ability to be there for others.
Self care for me is going to bed at the same time each night, eating foods that love me back, getting exercise first thing in the morning, being conscious of what I consume- no violent movies or 24/ 7 news exposure, and spending as much time as possible in nature.
Do you need to do any of these things more? What do you need to do less of? What would be the first step towards making this a habit, if so?
Self care for me is also letting myself feel my feelings, and let them run through me, without suppressing them. This involves regularly turning inward and acknowledging how I feel, not numbing myself or pushing uncomfortable feelings away, not shaming myself for being upset, but instead being compassionate towards my own pain, crying if I need to, and journaling or talking about it afterwards.
Are you suppressing any feelings? Do you have a ‘positive vibes only’ mentality or are you able to make room for the tough feelings too? Are you overwhelmed by your feelings, or able to process them in a way that increases your bandwidth?
I remind myself of at least 3 things I’m grateful for, every day. I do this before I get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes they are big things, sometimes small. This is a form of brain retraining, that counteracts our inherent negativity bias.
What are you grateful for? Can you commit to counting your blessings every day?
I ask for help- I have regular therapy, supervision, I talk to my husband, family and friends, and I’m in several online support and advocacy groups.
Who have you got in your corner? How are you lacking support? Who might you turn to, to feel more supported?
I seek out uplifting, funny, supportive content. For me thats silly memes, dog rescue videos, afrobeat music, travel and adventure documentaries and colourful art.
For you, this may be different. What lights you up? What makes you feel expansive, uplifted, grateful, full of wonder?
I try to sing and dance and laugh every day. Indigenous shamanic therapy consisted of asking these 3 questions- "When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories?” Doing these things is an ancient and hard wired way to light up our soul.
When was the last time you sang, danced, and listened to stories? Could you start doing a little more of these things, more regularly?
I stay informed intentionally- I engage with news sources I trust, don’t mindlessly have the orange clown’s voice on in the background, and try not to wade into pointless arguments on social media. (Hands up- sometimes I fail.) Nobody changed anyone’s mind by fighting on Facebook, did they? I also limit my exposure to global news. I want to know whats happening, and to be awake and aware. I don’t want to make myself sick and tired whilst I do.
What’s one way you can engage with the wider world, without it frying your nervous system and pushing you into panic mode?
I am aware of my values, and the priorities that my values contribute to. If something isn’t in line with my priorities, or my values, I don’t do it. An example of this for me is not getting involved in other people’s disagreements, not entertaining unhelpful thoughts, and not putting energy and time into anything that doesn’t deserve it. This enables me to live with integrity and feel that I’m on the right path.
Are you aware of your own priorities and values? Where might you be leaking time and energy?
The world needs your precious care- but it also needs you to show up resourced and rested. By focusing some time on what lights you up, gives you energy, and helps you feel positive, you are better able to contribute in a way that doesn’t deplete you in the process.
Anxious? Here’s how to find peace in the present moment
Anxiety has a way of pulling us out of the present moment. It drags us into the past, replaying old mistakes, or flings us into the future, imagining worst-case scenarios that may never happen. When anxiety takes hold, it can feel like we have no control over our thoughts, like we are trapped in a loop of worry and fear.
But what if I told you that the key to breaking free from anxiety isn’t found in fighting your thoughts or trying to control them? What if, instead, the answer lies in the here and now – in the present moment?
Many of my clients come to me feeling overwhelmed by their thoughts. They tell me, “I just want my mind to stop racing,” or “I can’t switch off.” This is a normal human response to having a normal human brain!But that constant inner chatter can be exhausting. So instead of trying to silence it – which usually doesn’t work – we can learn to shift our focus to something else: the present moment.
Why the Present Moment Matters
Anxiety thrives on uncertainty. It feeds on the “what ifs” and the “should haves.” But the present moment is a safe space. Right now, in this moment, you are here, breathing, reading these words. In this moment, you are okay.
When we bring our attention to the present, we interrupt anxiety’s power over us. We give ourselves a break from the mental noise and come back to something real- right now. The Buddhists have known this for forever! The more we practice connecting to the present, the more we train our brains to find safety in the now rather than fear in the unknown.
How to Use the Present Moment to Release Anxiety
There are many ways to anchor yourself in the present. Here are some simple but powerful techniques that I teach my clients:
1. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
This is a great exercise when your mind is spiraling out of control. It gently brings your focus back to the here and now by engaging your senses.
5 things you can see – Look around and name five objects in your surroundings.
4 things you can touch – Notice the texture of your clothing, the chair you’re sitting on, or the sensation of your feet on the ground.
3 things you can hear – Listen to the sounds around you, whether it’s birds chirping, a ticking clock, or distant traffic.
2 things you can smell – Take a deep breath and notice any scents, even if it’s just the air.
1 thing you can taste – If you have a drink or a snack nearby, take a mindful sip or bite.
This technique works because it shifts your focus away from your anxious thoughts and into the reality of the moment.
2. Breathing into the Now
Your breath is always happening in the present. It’s a built-in anchor to the here and now. When anxiety takes over, our breath becomes shallow and fast. But by slowing it down, we send signals of safety to our nervous system.
Try this simple exercise:
Inhale through your nose for a count of four.
Hold for a count of four.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six.
Hold for a count of four.
Repeat for a few minutes, focusing on the sensation of your breath moving in and out.
I often guide my clients through breathing exercises like this in our sessions, because they are such a powerful tool for calming the mind and body.
3. Name Your Thoughts, Don’t Become Them
A lot of anxiety comes from identifying too much with our thoughts. But here’s the truth: You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts.
Next time anxiety creeps in, try labelling your thoughts instead of getting caught up in them. Say to yourself:
“Oh, there’s a worry thought.”
“That’s an anxious prediction, not a fact.”
“My mind is trying to protect me, but I don’t need this thought right now.”
By naming your thoughts instead of becoming them, you create a little bit of distance – and in that space, anxiety loses some of its grip.
4. Find Safety in Your Body
When anxiety is high, we often feel disconnected from our bodies. That’s why part of my work involves helping clients reconnect with themselves through TRE (Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises), breathwork, and mindful movement.
A quick way to find safety in your body is to place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Take a slow breath in and out, feeling the warmth of your hands. This simple act sends a message to your nervous system that you are safe.
Other ways of safely connecting with your body include dancing, singing, intentional shaking, tapping and Havening.
5. Practice Mindful Moments Throughout the Day
You don’t have to sit in meditation for hours to benefit from mindfulness. You can bring present-moment awareness into your everyday life:
When drinking your morning coffee, really taste it.
When walking, notice the sensation of your feet on the ground.
When washing your hands, feel the temperature of the water and the texture of the soap.
The more you practice presence in small ways, the easier it becomes to stay anchored when anxiety tries to pull you away.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
I know that when you’re stuck in the grip of anxiety, hearing “just be present” can feel frustrating. That’s why I guide my clients step by step, helping them build the skills they need to feel safer in their bodies and minds.
Choosing to seek help can feel like a huge step, but you don’t have to navigate this alone. If you’d like to explore how Cognitive Hypnotherapy, breathwork, Trauma Release Exercises or other forms of nervous system regulation can support you, why not reach out and book a free call? We can chat about what you’re going through and see if working together feels right for you.
I’ve also just released a supportive recording in my online shop called ‘Using the present moment to let go of anxiety’.
And I’m launching a member’s area soon, which includes access to a dozen exclusive recordings, a once a week online group session, the option to choose what topics I address each week, and peer support in a supportive community- all for only £20 a month.
Anxiety doesn’t have to control your life. You deserve to feel calm, present, and safe – and I’m here to help you get there.
Why practice TRE?
TRE (Tension and Trauma Release Exercises) is a practice designed to reset your nervous system through the activation of neurogenic tremors. ‘Neurogenic’ means arising from the nervous system. They are completely different from pathological tremors, as seen in Parkinson’s, dystonia etc.
These tremors, when experienced in an environment of safety, reset your stress cycle and provide a corrective experience to your nervous system, allowing a sense of balance and ease. Being able to come back to rest, digest, growth and repair more easily each time you practice.
TRE is taught as a self- help tool- meaning once you have had tuition by a qualified and experienced teacher such as myself, you can safely and effectively practice by yourself. This means it’s a very sustainable skill to acquire. Regularly practiced, you can use TRE for anxiety, pain, trauma and stress relief. It will release tight muscles, especially parasitic tension caused by stress and trauma..
The practice is divided into 3 parts- the first part is the 7 simple warm up exercises that create the conditions for the tremors, the second part is the tremors themselves, and the third part is the integration period afterwards. The tremors aren’t under voluntary control- they do come from your brain, but not the neocortex- they come from the brain stem, the same part of your brain responsible for other involuntary actions such as your heart beating and your digestion.
You can however control when you start and stop them, and you can choose to stop at any time.
Practicing TRE regularly will dial down any overactivation in your nervous system, meaning you can come back to the healing state of parasympathetic dominance. This state is where the magic happens. Because your nervous system is a bit like a see-saw- you can only have one side active at a time. Spending too much time in fight/ flight/ freeze/ fawn is damaging and promotes disease.
Fight/ flight is really useful in the face of an acute stressor- nobody wants to be calm and relaxed when running away from a tiger. When activated this way, our muscles tighten, our digestion turns off, and we become hypersensitive to threat- all useful if in actual danger. But nowadays, there are no tigers chasing us- instead, we deal with chronic, daily stressors such as deadlines, money worries, the news, social media, and demands of work- but our bodies react in the same way.
This, especially when combined with trauma stored in our bodies from difficult childhood experiences, causes our stress activation to remain stuck on ‘on’. Which means it’s harder to sleep, digest food, feel relaxed, or recover from illness. Being in low grade fight/ flight can cause shallow breathing, anxiety, restlessness and hypervigilance, and can exacerbate autoimmune disease , as there is a close link between the immune system and the nervous system.
The thing is- the aim isn’t to be calm and relaxed all the time. The aim is to keep that see-saw well oiled and fine tuned, meaning we respond in an appropriate way and can easily switch sides as needed. So regularly doing TRE for anxiety, stress, tension and trauma is a brilliant way of healing the body and bringing the whole self back to a state of natural balance.
If can also have some unexpected and welcome effects too- below is a recent update from a former client-
‘I thought you might appreciate an update on my TRE practice at home, for your own interest or in case it's of use to anyone else. I have been continuing to do the practices twice a week where I can - a minimum is once a week.
When I came to you this time last year, I was also experiencing menstrual issues, possibly associated with perimenopause, and probably also associated with my severe fibroids. I was having quite heavy mid-cycle bleeding, my periods were extremely heavy and painful and I was having hot flushes and night sweats.
I wanted to report that it is the TRE that has made the biggest difference and shows that clearly the trauma held in my body has most certainly affected my hormonal balance. By the start of the summer, all of the above symptoms had stopped. All of them. No more mid-cycle bleeding at all - not even light spotting. Hot flushes and night sweats stopped. Completely. By the end of the year, all cramping had stopped. This year, my periods are lighter.
During the summer, when I eased off the frequency of the TRE practices, the spotting and hot flushes returned for a couple of months - this was motivation enough to get right back into the TRE twice weekly again, and it has all stopped again.
I have been amazed by the effect - and very grateful! And very fascinated by it all. It wasn't a consequence I expected or even hoped for - I had no expectations really; I just appreciated the theory behind it and wanted to see how it would work for me. Just thought you might be interested to hear a follow up on the effects of the practice.’
How interesting is that? I hadn’t anticipated TRE being able to eradicate menopausal symptoms! Who knows what other benefits await? In just 2 lessons yu could have this self help tool at your fingertips. And the other good news is, learning TRE online is just as good as learning it in person- if you are interested to try this innovative practice, why not get in touch?