Self- care as an act of resistance- why its sometimes necessary to turn away from the sorrows of the world

Lets be honest- the world is in a mess right now, isn't it? With all of the technological advances, knowledge, and lesson of the past to draw from- you’d think humans would have learnt from their mistakes by now, surely? But there is greater instability, violence, ecological catastrophe, misinformation and polarisation than ever.

It all feels… too much. Exhausting. Never ending. How difficult can it be for people to just be kind to each other?

And we try to take it all in, to be aware and not turn away too much, and still run our own lives- dealing with health issues, hormones, children, partners, jobs, trying to get enough exercise and sleep- its no wonder that burnout and fatigue syndromes are on the rise. Perhaps you also do more than stay informed- maybe you are an activist, an ally, or maybe you are in a marginalised group, and feel the pressure directly.

This blog is written with the full acknowledgement that I have a certain level of privilege which allows me to have this viewpoint, for which I’m eternally grateful. Growing up in a single parent family, in poverty, with a chronically ill mum on benefits, my privilege came to me later in life, and is hard earned-  but it is still privilege . This is also written with the awareness that you will have differing levels of privilege and hardships, as we are all individuals with unique circumstances.

As far as I know none of you live in Gaza, or Yemen, or Ukraine. And even if the protections of a democratic society seem to be crumbling around us, and xenophobia and right wing propaganda are on the rise, (I’m a massive leftie, for those who hadn’t guessed- and I will always advocate for human rights and decency) we still live in countries that - for now at least- have some sort of due process under democratic law. So within that, we all have some privilege, to varying degrees.

Now this isn’t a blog about politics- but self care and therapy, in my view, are inherently political. Why? Because what the greedy few at the top want is for us to be easily controlled- and how do you control people? By limiting their access to resources, keeping them angry and sad and small, making them confused and dependant, and pitting them against each other.

What they don’t want is happy, optimistic, rested, resourced, independent, self- aware and communicative people. People who realise their power, influence and worth. People who have the capacity to hold it all- the heaviness and the joy, the sadness and the amazingness of it all. Seen this way, self care is an act of resistance.

When we continuously expose ourselves to the unrelenting tragedy of it all, we inadvertently make ourselves more sick- because humans never evolved to be able to absorb so much bad news all the time. We evolved in small cooperative hunter gatherer groups, with no such thing as capitalism or billionaires or Twitter.

The continuous drip feed of war, famine, exploitation, unfairness, greed, ecological disaster etc all registers as DANGER to our limbic and nervous systems- pushing blood pressure up, activating the HPA axis to generate stress hormones, suppressing our feel good hormones, making our breath shallow, keeping our minds racing, making it harder to rest and to sleep- all of which is synonymous with chronic pain, illness, anxiety, depression and stress.

Now, if you are at the front line- for example, your house has been flooded due to climate change/ your family live in or needed to escape an unsafe country/ you are being victimised for being LGBTQ/ BIPOC- (all situations my clients have had to experience) then some of this is unescapable. And I’m not for one second saying turn your back to the world and live in cloud cuckoo land, and pretend that none of it is happening.

We owe it to the world to compassionately witness the truth, and to try, however we can, to make the world a better place- but we also owe it to the world, and to OURSELVES, the capacity to do so, without overwhelm. It doesn’t help the victims of gun violence to cry ourselves to sleep at night. It doesn’t help save endangered species if our blood pressure is sky high. We can’t be good activists/ truth tellers/ change makers if we are exhausted, burnt out and stressed to the max. It just makes us more ill, and doesn’t add any net positive to the world at all.

So what is the middle path? How to navigate the world without turning a blind eye, whilst at the same time caring for ourselves? This path requires strong boundaries, proactive effort to practice self care, and the capacity to tolerate discomfort without it swamping us.

Its easy to be distraught, on edge, pessimistic and run down. Its harder to be buoyant, optimistic, and energetic. But the world doesn’t need more upset and hopeless people. The world needs YOU to be happy and positive, even in the face of great adversity- whether personal or collective.

How do we do that? I can only speak from my personal experience, but here are some things I actively do, to ensure that I have the bandwidth to be a responsible human without burning out-

I prioritise my self care. Louder for those at the back- self care is not selfish. In fact, its selfish to NOT care for yourself. If you don’t care for yourself, either you have unmet needs (which helps no one, least of all yourself) or someone else has to meet those needs for you. Putting yourself first gives you CAPACITY.

Greater capacity- more energy- more attention- better ability to be there for others.

Self care for me is going to bed at the same time each night, eating foods that love me back, getting exercise first thing in the morning, being conscious of what I consume- no violent movies or 24/ 7 news exposure, and spending as much time as possible in nature.

Do you need to do any of these things more? What do you need to do less of? What would be the first step towards making this a habit, if so?

Self care for me is also letting myself feel my feelings, and let them run through me, without suppressing them. This involves regularly turning inward and acknowledging how I feel, not numbing myself or pushing uncomfortable feelings away, not shaming myself for being upset, but instead being compassionate towards my own pain, crying if I need to, and journaling or talking about it afterwards.

Are you suppressing any feelings? Do you have a ‘positive vibes only’ mentality or are you able to make room for the tough feelings too? Are you overwhelmed by your feelings, or able to process them in a way that increases your bandwidth?

I remind myself of at least 3 things I’m grateful for, every day. I do this before I get out of bed in the morning. Sometimes they are big things, sometimes small. This is a form of brain retraining, that counteracts our inherent negativity bias.

What are you grateful for? Can you commit to counting your blessings every day?

I ask for help- I have regular therapy, supervision, I talk to my husband, family and friends, and I’m in several online support and advocacy groups.

Who have you got in your corner? How are you lacking support? Who might you turn to, to feel more supported?

I seek out uplifting, funny, supportive content. For me thats silly memes, dog rescue videos, afrobeat music, travel and adventure documentaries and colourful art.

For you, this may be different. What lights you up? What makes you feel expansive, uplifted, grateful, full of wonder?

I try to sing and dance and laugh every day. Indigenous shamanic therapy consisted of asking these 3 questions- "When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories?” Doing these things is an ancient and hard wired way to light up our soul.

When was the last time you sang, danced, and listened to stories? Could you start doing a little more of these things, more regularly?

I stay informed intentionally- I engage with news sources I trust, don’t mindlessly have the orange clown’s voice on in the background, and try not to wade into pointless arguments on social media. (Hands up- sometimes I fail.) Nobody changed anyone’s mind by fighting on Facebook, did they? I also limit my exposure to global news. I want to know whats happening, and to be awake and aware. I don’t want to make myself sick and tired whilst I do.

What’s one way you can engage with the wider world, without it frying your nervous system and pushing you into panic mode?

I am aware of my values, and the priorities that my values contribute to. If something isn’t in line with my priorities, or my values, I don’t do it. An example of this for me is not getting involved in other people’s disagreements, not entertaining unhelpful thoughts, and not putting energy and time into anything that doesn’t deserve it. This enables me to live with integrity and feel that I’m on the right path.

Are you aware of your own priorities and values? Where might you be leaking time and energy?

The world needs your precious care- but it also needs you to show up resourced and rested. By focusing some time on what lights you up, gives you energy, and helps you feel positive, you are better able to contribute in a way that doesn’t deplete you in the process.