‘Why do I feel like I’m barely holding it together?’ The surprising connections between menopause, trauma, and your nervous system…

For many women, midlife isn’t just about hot flashes, disrupted sleep, or mood swings. Beneath the surface of perimenopause and menopause, there’s often a quieter, less talked about storm brewing- the resurfacing of unresolved trauma.

Maybe you’ve noticed it? Old emotional wounds creeping back. Anxiety bubbling up out of nowhere. Feeling less resilient, more reactive, and wondering why you seem to be ‘falling apart.’

Its not ‘all in your head’- there is powerful (and often unrecognised) connections between hormonal shifts, unresolved trauma, and the nervous system during menopause (and the lead up to it.)

When you understand how these threads weave together, you can stop blaming yourself and start to work with your body’s natural ability to heal.

Trauma isn’t just a reaction to big scary events. Trauma can be the things that didn’t happen- unmet needs, feeling unbelieved and undersupported. Trauma can be the small things that add up- years of chronic stress, the impacts of childhood neglect, or a lifetime of conditioning that makes you ignore your own needs.

What’s going on under the surface-

• Your nervous system is tired: Years of pushing through have accumulated. Your resilience is thinner.

• Hormones shift everything: As oestrogen and progesterone fluctuate or decline, their calming, stabilising effects on the nervous system and mood diminish.

• Life roles are changing: Empty nests, aging parents, relationship shifts, and career pivots stir up old attachment wounds.

• There’s nowhere left to hide: The distractions of youth fade. What’s been repressed rises. What worked in your 20s and 30s is no longer helpful in your 40s and 50s.

What once felt manageable at 35 might feel overwhelming at 50. This isn’t a failing- its our human biology coming up against our society and our personal history.

Hormones, the nervous system & trauma

Oestrogen and progesterone don’t just control your menstrual cycle — they deeply influence your brain’s neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA, which help to regulate mood, sleep, and anxiety. As these hormones fluctuate wildly (perimenopause) or decline (post-menopause), you may feel more anxious, more sensitive, less resilient.

If you’re already carrying a legacy of unresolved trauma, these hormonal shifts remove the coping scaffolding you didn’t even know you were leaning on.

How this may manifest-

• Anxiety or panic you’ve never had before

• Overwhelm at small things

• Physical symptoms: pain, fatigue, dizziness, digestive issues

• Emotional flashbacks or heightened sensitivity

• Old coping patterns resurfacing (people-pleasing, overworking, isolation)

• Finding it harder to switch off or sleep

It’s not ‘just hormones.’ It’s hormones stirring up what’s been held beneath the surface for years.

Signs you may be in a trauma-hormone ‘perfect storm’

• Feeling overwhelmed or hypersensitive

• Heightened startle response or hypervigilance

• Re-emergence of childhood or attachment wounds

• Emotional reactivity: tears, rage, hopelessness

• Insomnia or disrupted sleep

• Physical symptoms without clear cause

• Loss of interest in things you once loved

• Heightened inner critic or shame spirals

This isn’t evidence of weakness. They’re signs that your body is asking for your care and attention.

How to work with your body at this time of your life-

This phase of life is an invitation to heal at the deepest level — not just to survive, but to finally release what’s been weighing you down.

Here’s how you can begin to support yourself:

1. Acknowledge the connection

Understand that your current struggles aren’t character flaws or personal failures. They’re the logical outcome of hormones, history, and a body carrying too much for too long. Self compassion is key- and although that may seem hard right now, its a skill you can learn.

2. Prioritise nervous system regulation

Your nervous system needs regular, conscious care. Modalities like TRE (Tension & Trauma Release Exercises), other gentle somatic practices like Havening and EFT, Hypnotherapy, breathwork (like Buteyko), and mindfulness can gently help your body discharge stored tension and rewire itself for safety.

These aren’t quick fixes, but cumulative, steady tools that help you reclaim confidence and agency.

3. Heal your relationship with your inner critic

Many midlife women find that the “inner critic” — often rooted in early trauma or cultural conditioning — gets louder as hormones fluctuate. Working with a therapist or coach to build self-compassion and quiet this voice can be transformative.

4. Honour your body’s signals and needs

Pain, fatigue, and anxiety aren’t just symptoms to suppress. They’re messengers. Slow down. Rest more. Nourish yourself with wholefoods. Be proactive with your consumption of everything- if its not serving you, don’t invite it in.  If you ignore your body’s whispers for attention and connection, they will become screams. You aren’t a robot, and your body won’t work the way it did in your 20’s. You deserve care, understanding and respect, from yourself as well as those around you.

5. Connect with others who understand

Isolation worsens everything. Find spaces — whether in person or online — where you can share openly, be witnessed, and know you’re not alone. Midlife healing isn’t a solitary journey. In fact it could be one of the best things to happen to you- never before have we had such understanding, research, knowledge, and opportunity to connect with other women experiencing the same.

Why midlife can be the beginning of something brilliant

This phase may feel like unravelling — but it’s also the threshold to becoming your most authentic self. Midlife invites you to shed old survival strategies and finally, unapologetically, choose you.

Women who embrace this healing work often emerge-

• Clearer about their boundaries

• Free from people-pleasing

• More connected to joy, creativity, and purpose

• Grounded in self-respect, not self-sacrifice

• More able to live in line with their values and advocate for their needs

Ready to begin your healing journey?

If you’re navigating the complex intersection of trauma, hormones, and midlife, you don’t have to do it alone.

Through my unique blend of Cognitive Hypnotherapy, TRE, Pain Education, Buteyko Breathing, and Health Coaching, I help women like you move out of survival mode, release old wounds, and step into a life of purpose, connection, and joy.