AI is not your therapist

Let me start by saying something that might surprise you, coming from a therapist who now uses AI tools in her business- I think the rise of people turning to AI chatbots for emotional support is the most worrying trend I've ever seen in mental health.

And yes I use it, to help with admin and planning. AI is genuinely useful for a lot of things. It's a brilliant tool, in the right context. But therapy? Actually effective transformative therapy? That's a different matter entirely and because its important, I’d like to address it here.

So why are people doing it? Honestly I get it. Therapy is expensive. Waiting lists on the NHS are long. ChatGPT is free, available at 2am, and it never makes you feel judged. It's patient, it's endlessly available, and it says all the right things. Of course people are drawn to it. But the reasons its tempting to use are the same reasons its waving red flags.

The clue is in the name. A = Artificial. Here's what it can't do.

AI doesn't sit with you in your pain. It processes your words and generates a statistically likely response. That is not the same thing as being witnessed.

One of the most healing things about real therapy, and this is backed by decades of research, is the relationship itself. The technical term is the "therapeutic alliance." It's the felt sense of being truly seen, held, and understood by another human being who is fully present with you. That experience of being met- not just heard, but genuinely witnessed- is one of the primary mechanisms through which change actually happens in therapy, and the biggest predictor of success.

An AI cannot meet you. It has no nervous system. No inner world. It isn't moved by your story. It doesn't notice the slight hesitation in your voice, or feel the weight of what you're carrying, or sit in uncomfortable silence with you because that silence is exactly what you need. It can’t read between the lines. It doesn't grow alongside you, remember who you were six months ago, or feel proud of how far you've come. Real progress comes from growth- and that sometimes means discomfort, challenge, and being held accountable. To go through this safely needs a safe and attuned human to work alongside you.

It reflects your words back to you in ways that feel validating, because its programmed to sound helpful and affirming, and that can feel good in the moment. But good feelings in the moment aren't the same as recovering and healing.

A question worth sitting with:

When you've shared something difficult with ChatGPT or other LLM’s did you feel truly understood afterwards, or just temporarily soothed?

Is there a difference? What might that difference mean?

There are also some genuinely serious potential harms that I don't think get talked about enough.

AI can't assess risk. If you're in crisis, if you're having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, an AI has no ability to actually evaluate how serious that is, to make a safeguarding decision, or to connect you with the right support. It might generate a crisis line number. But it cannot hold the complexity and nuance of a real risk assessment, and it cannot be held accountable if it gets it wrong. That's not a small thing.

AI has no oversight. It doesn’t receive supervision, get its own therapy, and has no-one to turn to if things aren’t working for you. It doesn’t know how to contain, when to push, when to stop or when to refer. It has no interiority, no inner life- it doesn’t think about you at all when its not being used.

AI interacts purely though text typed onto a screen- yet so much communication is non verbal. A skilled human therapist isn’t just noticing your words- they are paying attention to your tone of voice, posture, facial expressions, breathing patterns, the words you don’t say, the patterns of thought, feeling, emotion and sensation, and the way they interlink (or not) as well as the interaction in their own bodies- for example, when I’m with a client, I’ll be mentally noting how their body language is influencing mine and vice versa- this is all invaluable information that an LLM has no access to whatsoever. A lack of this will cause missattunement- meaning the AI is only really pretending to understand, and can be very wrong in its assessment. How can it understand your inner world, when it has none of its own?

AI can also subtly reinforce unhealthy patterns. Real therapy sometimes involves being gently challenged, having your defences named, being asked the question you've been trying not to answer. A good therapist will notice when you're going in circles, or when your narrative about yourself isn't serving you. AI, designed to be agreeable, is far more likely to validate whatever you say. And sometimes, being validated in the wrong direction is actively dangerous. There are cases of AI pushing people deep into psychosis because it just agrees with everything you say, even if you are detached from reality. The consequences of that cause harm.

There's also the very real issue of what happens to what you share. When you open up about your childhood, your trauma, your relationship struggles- the most sensitive things that people can experience and disclose- that data doesn't disappear. It's processed, stored, and potentially used to train future models. You are not covered by the confidentiality protections you would have in a therapy room. That has consequences, even if it feels abstract.

Healing asks something of us. It requires us to be vulnerable with another human, and that vulnerability, as terrifying as it can feel, is part of what makes it work.

I’d like to tread carefully here, because I know access to therapy is a barrier for a lot of people. If you're struggling and the choice is between talking to an AI or talking to nobody- I understand why you'd choose the AI. In that context, it might offer some comfort in a moment of distress. Yet I'd gently encourage you not to let it become a substitute for the real thing. Not just because therapists want to protect their livelihoods (though to be transparent- we do have a stake in this, we need to make a living), but because you deserve more than a simulation of being heard. You deserve the real thing.

If cost is the barrier, there are options- working with therapists in training, low-cost therapy directories, charities, therapists offering reduced rates. When you pay a human, you aren’t just paying for their time- you are investing in yourself by accessing their knowledge, their interpersonal skills, their training, their experience, their ability to help you feel safe through co- regulating with their nervous system- and none of these things are available through AI.

Some things to reflect on:

Are you using AI as a stopgap while you look for a therapist, or has it become a way of avoiding the vulnerability that real support requires?

What would it mean to you to actually be heard, not just by a screen, but by another human being who is fully present with you?

If you are doing it because its free, what’s the real cost to you?

Can you afford NOT to gain genuine insight and positive healing interaction with another human?

The world is complicated, people are complicated, and healing is complicated. There's no shortcut through it, and the fact that something feels easier doesn't always mean it's better for us.

You deserve the real thing. Please don't settle for less. If you’d like to reach out for a free chat with a real human, its easy to book a call here.

Wishing you safety, co- regulation, warmth and hope, and that all your days contain glimmers of happiness.